felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
