that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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