Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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