the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
