Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It's just like the Real World with babies
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
