Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
