I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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