someone threw a dead crab at me
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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