i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We left the knife in your bed.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
