friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
