I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
