You can't special order awesome
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
