Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
