So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
