You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
