I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
