I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
