I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
