Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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