a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
