I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
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