pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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