this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I am spending my child support on dildos
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
