he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
it's like iHOP with fire
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
