Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
