Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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