My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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