I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
