It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
