there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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