Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
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