"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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