I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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