everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
