Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
