I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
