and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
