Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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