how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
