My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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