You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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