the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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