He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
