singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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