She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
nutella sex= disaster
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
