i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
