i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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