Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
