good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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