he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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