Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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