I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
