Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
